by Marla Cooper
If you’ve read enough cozy mysteries, you know that the holidays are a particularly dangerous time of year, especially if you live in a small town. Christmas festivals? Just a crime scene waiting to happen. Cookie exchanges? Only if you don’t have any enemies. Dickens Fairs? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’ve taken the liberty of putting together this survival guide so you can spot the danger signs before you become the victim in a holiday-themed cozy mystery. Of course, your safest bet is just to stay home and read a good book, but if you must attend festive celebrations, this guide will help you make it out in one piece!
Small Town Tree Lighting Ceremony
Danger Level: Extreme
- Motives: Bitter rivalries over who gets to flip the switch. Arguments over traditional versus more modern holiday color schemes.
- Watch out for: Electrical “accidents,” mysterious blackouts during the countdown.
- Who to stay away from: The town council member who tried to shut the whole thing down.
- Survival tip: Stand near the hot chocolate stand where there are more witnesses.
Dickens Christmas Fair
Danger Level: High
- Motives: Arguments over the historical accuracy of costumes. Scrooge and Marley played by real life business partners with old grudges. Stolen figgy pudding recipe.
- Watch out for: Loose cobblestones, open candle flames, voluminous skirts that can hide any number of murder weapons.
- Who to stay away from: The character actor who nobody recognizes who is carrying a candlestick (AKA murder weapon).
- Survival tip: DON’T DRINK THE WASSAIL!
Holiday Craft Fairs / Artisan Markets
Danger Level: Moderate
- Motives: Rival vendors selling suspiciously similar products.
- Watch out for: Knitting needle “accidents,” hot glue guns that reach temperatures of up to 400 degrees… literally every booth has something that could be used as a murder weapon.
- Who to stay away from: The woman who sells signs that say “Gather” and “Live. Laugh. Love.” She’s been waiting 9 years for the perfect moment to exact her revenge.
- Survival tip: Don’t take free samples from bakers. Don’t fall for the old, “Here, try my sea salt scrub” trick.
Christmas Pageants
Danger level: Surprisingly high
- Motives: High stakes power struggles over who gets to play the Virgin Mary. Animosity toward the animal handler for the live nativity.
- Watch out for: Anything hanging above the stage, whether it’s a sandbag or a hastily installed Star of Bethlehem.
- Who to stay away from: The stage mom who wants more than her allocated number of tickets.
- Survival tip: Volunteer for backstage crew. You’ll be able to see everything, and you’ll know where the emergency exits are.
Holiday-Themed Wedding
Warning: My cozy mystery series is about a destination wedding planner, so this might well lead to an actual book!
- Motives: The bride’s last-minute announcement that everyone must dress in Victorian Dickens formal wear (“but have fun with it”). The stress of a wedding + the stress of the holidays + the stress of too much together time with extended family, all rolled into one.
- Watch out for: Deadly ice sculptures, poisonous berries on the decorative mistletoe and holly, runaway horses pulling the couple’s bridal sleigh.
- Who to stay away from: The sister of the bride muttering, “I always thought I’d be the one marrying him.” The florist who is angry that nobody appreciates her poinsettia artistry.
- Survival tip: When the officiant says, “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” do not say a word.
What about you, readers? Any tips for avoiding cozy mystery holiday peril?
ABOUT MARLA COOPER
Marla Cooper is the author of the Kelsey McKenna Destination Wedding mysteries — relaunching in spring of 2026! RSVP now for cozy mystery news, a free short story, ARC reading opportunities, and general shenanigans by subscribing to her newsletter at www.marlacooper.com.
